I recently posted a blog with life pro tips taken from a channel on Reddit. Well, it turns out there is a subversive sibling channel called Unethical Life Pro Tips. These are all underhanded ways to get ahead in life. I’m going to post the most upvoted tips from the past year for educational purposes only, of course. I would never dream on acting on any of them…

  1. If you plan on going to prison, learn to cut hair. Barbers are greatly appreciated by other inmates and you’ll likely be spared when it comes to prison violence.
  2. Want to eavesdrop on someone? AirPods have a “Live Listen” feature that turns your iPhone into a microphone. Leave your phone charging in the room you want to snoop in on and listen in remotely.
  3. If you can work from home, outsource your work to India for a fraction of your salary and pass it off as your own
  4. To become a great fighter, learn the moves that are illegal in MMA – they cause so much damage that they were banned!
  5. At the theater, just pour some soda on the seat in front to make sure your view is clear.
  6. Set your side piece contact name as “Spam Risk” to avoid suspicion.
  7. If you have a neighbor with a dog that barks like crazy and keeps you and surrounding tenants up at night, you can use a dog whistle to induce dog barking on command, wake up their owners in the middle of the night and potentially get them kicked out of the complex all together.
  8. When people stick their iPhone up in the air and your vision is obstructed, Yell ‘Siri, who’s phone is this?’ to lock their phone (Apple products only)
  9. Tired of applying for jobs and never getting called back? Create a fake profile for a super-qualified candidate!
  10. Lie about having a college degree. Companies rarely check them and if they do, the only consequence is that they don’t hire you
  11. Get a new student ID just before leaving school to enjoy a student discount for years after graduating.
  12. Start a raccoon removal business by releasing raccoons from your first job in another neighborhood. Rinse and repeat.
  13. Visiting someone in the hospital? Stage a photo or two in their hospital bed for the perfect future sick/injured/don’t wanna excuse. It’s dope
  14. If you are crafting a lie, try to include a detail that makes you look foolish. It helps disarm skepticism.
  15. If you accidentally damage something in a place you rent, change the time and date on your phone to the first day you rented it and take a picture of the damage
  16. If you want to buy something on eBay, make another listing for the same product and set the bidding low. People will bid on yours and ignore the item you actually want.
  17. If you got an online meeting you just don’t want to attend, join it and start disconnecting and connecting the wifi. Tell them that your internet isn’t working properly and say you’re gonna go check the router, leave the wifi disconnected for a few seconds, then leave.
  18. Aside from greatly improving your pay, job hopping every 2-3 years allows you to slack off. Most bigger companies have so much bureaucracy that it takes that much time to weed out the lazy employees.
  19. Don’t do much at work? Occasionally change your status to “In a Call/Meeting” to keep them thinking you’re doing something
  20. If you want to keep a public place that not many people know about all to yourself, create many accounts and give it a lot of bad reviews online to deter new people from trying it out.

Bilal Hafeez
 is the CEO and Editor of Macro Hive. He spent over twenty years doing research at big banks – JPMorgan, Deutsche Bank, and Nomura, where he had various “Global Head” roles and did FX, rates and cross-markets research.

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