The Best One-Liners from TV Show Succession

By Bilal Hafeez

(2 min read)

I’m a huge fan of the HBO show Succession. The latest season is just as good as the earlier ones. One of the best aspects of the shows are the quippy and savage one-liners that the Roy family hurl at each other. Here are some of the bests from all three seasons:

Logan – head of the family and modelled on Rupert Murdoch

‘Tell him that I’m gonna grind his f*cking bones to make my bread.’

‘We’ll f**kin’ beast ’em. We’ll go full f**king beast!’

‘…health, safety, compliance, a few bad apples…’ [on dealing with a corporate scandal]

‘Most things don’t exist. The Ford Motor Company hardly exists. It’s just a time-saving expression for a collection of financial interests.’

‘You make your own reality. And once you’ve done It, apparently, everyone’s of the opinion It was all so f***kIng Obvious.”

‘People come to us because we don’t sell them on anything. No packet of f***king bleeding heart, United Nations-Volvo-gender-bender Horses**t.’

‘Romulus, when you laugh, please do it at the same volume as everyone else. We didn’t get you from a hyena farm.’ – Logan to Roman, at the Pierce-Roy reunion

Roman – the jumpy and immature son

‘Look at you, scanning for influence like a yuppie Robocop.’ – [Roman to his brother Kendall]

‘I like hurting human beings as much as the next guy, but this is really f***ing good’

‘I can promise you that I am spiritually and emotionally and ethically and morally behind whoever wins.’

‘Aw, what’s wrong, you all wedgied up because Rhea stood on your back and worked your arms like an elliptical?’ – [Roman to his sister Shiv]

‘What I think he meant to say was that he wished that Mom gave birth to a can opener, because at least then it would be useful.’ [Roman to his brother Kendall]

Shiv – the scheming and moralizing daughter

‘Have you ever had a f**king grapefruit without an agenda?’ – [Shiv to her stepmother Marcia]

‘Uh … Oh, hello? Is this the replicant department? Yeah, my meat-puppet has stopped working.’ –Shiv to her husband Tom

‘There he is, the little man who started this big war.’ Shiv to Kendall

Tom  – husband of Shiv and desperate for acceptance

‘Oh, don’t worry, Greg. It’s a nice safe space where you don’t have to pretend to like Hamilton.‘ Tom at a Republican event.

‘But then, who ends up king potato?’ Tom to Shiv

‘I got deep into the prison blogs about toilet wine.’ [On prospect of going to prison]

‘I just wonder if the sad I’d be without you is less than the sad I get from being with you.” [Tom to his wife Shiv]

‘You don’t hear much about syphilis these days. Very much the MySpace of STDs.’

Greg – the bumbling cousin who somehow entered the family business

‘Good meme-age.’ [Greg on Kendall’s social media presence]

‘I just think if everyone’s showing up to battle in armor, then I feel kind of exposed here in my loincloth.” Greg to Logan’s brother Ewan

‘What’s it worth in terms of the me of it all?’

Let me know your favourite lines from the show!


Bilal Hafeez
 is the CEO and Editor of Macro Hive. He spent over twenty years doing research at big banks – JPMorgan, Deutsche Bank, and Nomura, where he had various “Global Head” roles and did FX, rates and cross-markets research.


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